How to Write a Eulogy: A Gentle Step-by-Step Guide

Been asked to speak at a funeral? Call me on 0409 551 585 if you'd like a hand finding the words.

If you're wondering how to write a eulogy, chances are you've just lost someone you love and been asked to speak about them. It's an honour, and it can also feel overwhelming when you're already grieving.

I'm Amanda Morgan, a civil celebrant on the Mornington Peninsula. Much of my working life has been spent caring for people and their families, including at the end of life. This guide breaks the eulogy into small, manageable steps, so you can focus on what matters: telling their story with love.

On this page

1. What is a eulogy?
2. How to write a eulogy in 7 steps
3. A simple eulogy structure
4. Ways to open a eulogy
5. Tips for delivering it on the day
6. Frequently asked questions

Key takeaways

• A eulogy is a personal tribute, usually three to seven minutes long.
• Gather stories first, then write. Family and friends will fill gaps you didn't know were there.
• Show, don't list. One vivid story says more than a timeline of dates.
• Humour is welcome when it's warm and true to the person.
• You don't have to read it alone. A celebrant can read it with you, or for you, if emotions take over.
  

What Is a Eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech that honours the life of the person who has died. It's usually given by someone close to them, such as a partner, child, sibling or friend.



It's different from the life story your celebrant may share, although the two often work together.

Some families choose one eulogy, some several short tributes, and some ask the celebrant to weave everything into one story. There's no right way.

How to Write a Eulogy in 7 Gentle Steps

1. Check timing with your celebrant or funeral director

Ask how long you have and where your eulogy sits in the service. Chapel bookings often run to set times, so knowing your limit early saves cutting later.

2. Gather memories from others

Call a sibling, an old friend or a work mate and ask: "What's a story about them that always makes you smile?" You'll collect details you never knew, and it helps everyone feel part of the tribute.

3. Jot down the basics

Note key facts so you don't have to hunt for them later:



• Full name and any nicknames
• Where they grew up, and the places that mattered
• Family, close friends and pets
• Work, hobbies and passions
• Sayings, habits and quirks everyone recognises
  

4. Choose a theme

Look for the thread that ties their life together. Maybe it's generosity, adventure, stubborn optimism or a love of the sea. A theme gives your eulogy shape and makes it easier to choose which stories to keep."

5. Pick two or three stories

Choose stories that show their character in action. "Dad was generous" becomes real when you add "he gave his last tomatoes to every neighbour on the street, then complained he had none left."

6. Write as you speak

Use short sentences and everyday words. Read it aloud as you go, because a eulogy is heard, not read.

7. Edit with care

Cut anything that might hurt someone in the room, and any in-joke only a few people would understand. Ask a family member to read it through before the day.

A Simple Eulogy Structure

If you're staring at a blank page, follow this shape. It works for a three-minute tribute or a longer one.

As a guide, about 130 words is roughly one minute of speaking. A five-minute eulogy is around 600 to 700 words.

Need help pulling it together? When I lead funeral services on the Mornington Peninsula, I can help families shape their tributes, or write the life story from your memories. Call me on 0409 551 585.

Ways to Open a Eulogy

The first few lines are often the hardest. Here are some gentle ways in:

• Start with who you are: "For those who don't know me, I'm Kate, Margaret's youngest daughter."
• Start with a picture: "If you close your eyes, you can probably still see Jim in his garden at Mount Martha, hat on, hose in hand."
• Start with a saying: "'Put the kettle on' — that was Mum's answer to almost everything."
• Start with honesty: "I've started this speech a dozen times, because how do you fit Dad into five minutes?"
• Start with what they'd say: "Nan would hate all this fuss, so I'll keep it short."
  

Tips for Delivering a Eulogy on the Day

• Print it in large font, with double line spacing and page numbers.
• Mark pauses with a slash, so you remember to breathe.
• Practise out loud a few times, ideally to someone you trust.
• Have a glass of water and tissues within reach.
• Look up at the room now and then, even just at one friendly face.
• Arrange a back-up reader. Give a copy to your celebrant or a family member, in case you can't continue.
  

It's completely normal to cry. Pause, breathe, and carry on when you're ready. Everyone in the room is on your side.

Writing the Eulogy Yourself vs Having the Celebrant Help

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should a eulogy be?

Most eulogies run three to seven minutes, roughly 400 to 900 words. Check with your celebrant or funeral director, as services often have set times.

Who usually gives the eulogy?

Often a partner, child, sibling or close friend. Some families share it between several people, each speaking for a minute or two.

Is it okay to use humour in a eulogy?

Yes, when it's warm and true to the person. A funny story often helps people relax and remember the joy, not just the loss.

What should I avoid in a eulogy?

Avoid family conflicts, private matters and anything that could embarrass or hurt someone in the room. Keep in-jokes to a minimum.

What if I can't get through the eulogy?

That's completely understandable. Arrange for your celebrant or another family member to have a copy and step in if needed.

Can the celebrant read the eulogy for me?

A few key moments are enough. If the celebrant is sharing a life story, focus your eulogy on what the person meant to you.

Should I include their life history?

A few key moments are enough. If the celebrant is sharing a life story, focus your eulogy on what the person meant to you.

Can I include a poem or song lyrics?

Yes, a short poem or a line from their favourite song can be a lovely touch. Keep it brief and explain why it mattered to them.

How soon should I start writing?

As soon as you can, ideally a few days before the service. It gives you time to gather stories, write, and practise.

How to Write a Eulogy With Love, Not Pressure

Learning how to write a eulogy is really about remembering well. Gather the stories, choose a theme, speak from the heart, and let the people in the room share the weight with you.

If you'd like support, I'm here. My background in caring for people and their families (read more about me) means I'll take my time, listen, and help you find words that honour the person you love. As a civil celebrant in Mount Eliza, I work with families right across the Peninsula.

Call 0409 551 585 or email amanda@amandacelebrant.com.au. Funeral services start from 650+GST(715 incl. GST).